Lazy Man’s 5 Hour Pot Roast Chili

This makes a hearty, meaty chili that needs very little attention once it’s in the oven. Perfect for a video game, movie, or favourite series streaming binge.

Here’s what you’ll need:

  • An 8 quart lidded pot (stock pot, crock pot, or slow cooker)
  • A med. – large skillet
  • 2 lbs cross rib or blade roast (or chunked stewing beef—though that shit’s getting expensive)
  • 28 oz can diced tomatoes
  • 20 oz bottle salsa
  • 2 12 oz cans kidney beans
  • 1.5 oz (approx. 2.5 tbsp) chili powder
  • 2 med. – small yellow cooking onions, chopped coarse
  • .33 oz (approx. 2 tsp) cayenne pepper
  • .5 oz (approx. 1 tbsp) oil with a high smokepoint (don’t use olive oil)

Optional (for slurry thickener)

  • 4 oz cold water
  • 1 oz (approx. 2 tbsp) flour

Here’s what you do:

Preheat your oven to 275 F.

Using high heat, sear all sides of the roast in the oil in the skillet. You’re not looking to burn it, you just want a nice brown caramelization for added flavour.

Put the roast in the pot.

Brown the onions slightly in the remaining oil—very careful here, as they’ll burn quickly. When browned add the onions and oil to the pot.

Add the tomatoes, salsa, kidney beans, chili powder, and cayene pepper. Stir it around a little.

Put the lid on the pot, and place the pot in the oven. Close the oven door. Check the time. For the next 4-5 hours, play Skyrim, start the extended LotR trilogy, or The Wire, whatever the hell it is you’re doing. Then take it out of the oven.

The roast will now fall apart under medium pressure from a wooden spoon, so with the meat still in the pot separate it into chunks of your desired size. Then dish it up. Fill your boots.

(If you’re going for the optional slurry thickener—once the pot’s been in the oven for 4 hours, put 4 oz cold water in the salsa bottle, then add the flour. Shake vigourously. Remove the pot from the oven, remove the lid and stir the slurry slowly into the sauce. Replace lid, and put pot back in oven for the final hour of cooking.)

About John MacKenzie

I'll mumble for ya. Poetry, plus most things quantifiable: science, neuroscience, memory, epistemology, baseball. And so on.
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